


Something Bright and Unbroken

by Nanashi Jones (miaoujones)



Category: Gravitation
Genre: Complicated Emotions, Established Relationship, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-10-05
Updated: 2006-10-05
Packaged: 2017-12-21 12:29:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/900323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miaoujones/pseuds/Nanashi%20Jones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After witnessing something he was never meant to see, Shuuichi tries to give Yuki what he thinks Yuki really wants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something Bright and Unbroken

**Author's Note:**

> I take Gravitation Megamix as canon; accordingly, this follows from the final panel in Gravitation Megamix Panda and might not make as much sense without that context—but the love would be the same, whether those events occurred or not.

The night Shuuichi got back from his latest tour, they went to bed early, and to sleep some time after that. 

Eiri woke up with Shuuichi kneeling between his legs. "What are you doing, you insatiable little fuck?" he murmured drowsily, unwilling to rouse himself enough to raise his voice; sleepy blowjobs were sometimes the best.

"Shut up, you—" Shuuichi didn't so much cut himself off as falter.

Eiri looked at him, not knowing quite what he was looking at. Shuuichi had that look in his eye: _that_ one, the one that meant he was not going to be deterred no matter what, that he wouldn't take no for an answer because he wouldn't even hear it over the sound of his own insistent determination. The one that usually meant he was going to do something crazy stupid. That meant he was going to do something demented that would make or break his own music career, or something even more insane like tell Eiri he loved him and would do anything for him. 

Eiri laughed. Or started to: almost as soon as the first sound rumbled from his throat and off his tongue, the back of Shuuichi's hand came across his face.

Eiri stopped. Stopped everything, all sound and even breathing and just stared at Shuuichi for a second. 

Shuuichi was shaking. Not with fury or any kind of passion. He was shaking like that blow had struck _him_ in the face. 

It was then that Eiri realized he couldn't move his arms; that his hands were bound to the slats of the headboard.

"Shut up," Shuuichi said again, quieter, not looking at Eiri. He didn't look at Eiri as he told Eiri to widen his legs. "Wider." Didn't look as he pushed Eiri's legs apart even more than Eiri had complied himself. Didn't look as he coated his fingers with lube, didn't look as he pressed his fingertips to Eiri's hole, didn't look as he pushed two fingers in together. Continued not to look as he added a third, and then a fourth, and he still wasn't looking when he tucked his thumb inside the cone of his fingers—

And then Shuuichi did look. "Is this what you want?" he asked, the determination still there, but softened by a haze of unspilled tears. It seemed to Eiri in that moment that the most heroic thing of all, and he did find it all rather valiant, was how Shuuichi was making an effort not to actually cry.

It was a long, long moment before Eiri could speak. "How did you know?" he finally asked.

"So this _is_ what you want?" Shuuichi was still looking at him and Eiri had to look back— and he wished he didn't have to, because Shuuichi's eyes weren't darkened, they were bright, bright, and Eiri didn't want to see anything reflect. And he didn't want to see something break. He didn't ever want to see Shuuichi break; that was one of the essential things about Shuuichi, his more than resilience, his indestructibility, the way he wasn't fragile at all like Eiri himself.

"No," Eiri said. "I meant—how did you know. _What do you know?_ "

Shuuichi stopped looking now, which meant that Eiri didn't have to look either. Only now he could, and he did.

"I saw it," Shuuichi said. "I saw you, with Tohma."

Eiri knew what he was going to say and he didn't want Shuuichi to say any more, but you can't stop Shuuichi once he's going.

"Tohma and Tatsuha. I." Shuuichi raised his eyes, crying now. "Saw you, Yuki."

There were many things Eiri could say, and even a few he should, but all he came up with was, "How?"

Shuuichi shrugged like it didn't matter, and Eiri supposed that really it didn't, but Shuuichi answered anyhow: "He sent me a tape of it."

Eiri didn't have to ask which 'he' sent the tape. He didn't know whether to damn Tohma or... well, damning him seemed like the only option at present. But Tohma had never done anything but care for him. Eiri thought Tohma had come to accept his relationship with Shuuichi, but even if he didn't approve he would never do anything to hurt Eiri...

"Is that what you want, Yuki?" Shuuichi's voice called him back. "Is that what you need from me? I. I know I'm not very good, but I can get better. I can learn. Maybe Tatsuha will teach me, and I'll be able to do those things for you, and you won't have to go to anyone else anymore, and—"

"Shuuichi," Eiri interrupted, and Shuuichi fell quiet, his teeth sunk into his lip to keep the rest of his babble from spilling out. Once again, Eiri was reminded of his bound hands. "Untie me."

Shuuichi moved to the side, wiping the lube off his fingers before undoing the restraints on one wrist and then the other. When Eiri was free, Shuuichi started to scootch himself back but Eiri wrapped an arm around him and dragged Shuuichi into his lap. Shuuichi put a hand on his chest and pushed against him, but when Eiri slid the other arm around him, Shuuichi yielded. More than yielded; sank into the embrace, enfolding Eiri equally, his face buried against Eiri's neck.

"That's not what I want from you," Eiri told him. He wanted to tell Shuuichi it's only that he needs it from other people when Shuuichi is not there, that it takes all of _that_ and all of them to do what Shuuichi can do just by putting his arms around Eiri like he is doing now. That Shuuichi can help Eiri remember and he can make Eiri forget. He wanted to tell Shuuichi that he loves him for all of this, that sometimes it's hard to remember and forget and hard to love, but Eiri does; oh!, he does. He wanted to tell Shuuichi that he has to be hard or else he'll fall apart, and that he is the way he is to Shuuichi because he knows Shuuichi can take it. That he feels safe with Shuuichi like he doesn't with anyone else, because he knows that Shuuichi won't break the way Eiri himself did and sometimes still does.

He wanted to tell Shuuichi that he loves him as much as Shuuichi loves Eiri, and that sometimes he is afraid he might love Shuuichi more than Shuuichi loves him. He wanted to tell Shuuichi that things were a blur before Shuuichi blew into his life, and that he doesn't want to go back to that blur, no matter how bad things get now. 

He wanted to tell Shuuichi that he loves him and needs him, just him, the way he is, the way he makes Eiri.

"This," he said, taking Shuuichi by the chin so they were looking into each others' eyes. "Just this," Eiri said, and kissed him.


End file.
